


Something in The Way

by youbecamemyhabit



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Don't Read This, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Inspired by the Grazia photoshoot, M/M, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-01-31 22:05:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18600307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youbecamemyhabit/pseuds/youbecamemyhabit
Summary: “I was afraid.”“Apparently…” Hoseok brought forth with a slightly annoyed tone, already putting new grey trousers on. “Not afraid enough to travel to Rome with your friends, right? I saw the pictures. Thank you for letting me know I was the fucking idiot in this relationship all along.”“You weren’t.”Hoseok pulled the last item of the outfit from the black plastic — a beige jacket — and slammed against the sink.“Then what was I, Hyungwon?”“The only man I ever loved.”





	Something in The Way

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!! dunno why i wrote this but ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> that photoshoot is just too fucking beautiful and that behind the scenes i watched illegally is too cute so
> 
> enjoy (or not)

“One more!”

The tiny but relentlessly click of cameras taking more pictures than they’d ever use in the official photoshoot kept Hyungwon grounded. Such sound was so familiar to him that it tasted like a bread crumb in a path that led him towards home, or whatever was the concept of it that his non-conservative life imbued into his brain.

“Yes, good! Now get up and stand by the grey wall.”

A frustrated sigh.

Almost like a robot, Hyungwon got off the couch and marched to the wall behind them, in the hallway that led to the hotel’s bedroom.

Like a thief, he dared to steal a look at the man standing beside him; a few centimeters shorter than Hyungwon, his head was crowned by glossy blond hair blended perfectly with his pale skin and the pink coat he wore. Hoseok was there, right next to him, but the core of Hyungwon’s being felt like he was a memory. And everybody knows you can’t wrap your arms around what it’s only in your head.

“Look away.” His small voice crossed every atom of Hyungwon’s body, obviously breaking every barrier that the younger worked so hard to build for that day only. No one could hear him under the wreckage of himself. “The photographer is waiting.”

“Uh…” Hyungwon swallowed and frantically moved his head to the other side, hearing the clicks arise in the ambience again.

That was just a job, nothing more than that. On his peripheral vision, Hoseok smiled at one of their makeup noona’s comment till it grew into a laughter, but Hyungwon could sense that there was no joy in it. She ran two fingers through his hair while Hoseok pretended not to hate him, forcing Hyungwon to summon all his willpower to not dive back into the past — a past with the same man that now was no more than a work colleague, an acquaintance that he’d once or twice in modeling events.

No one to blame but himself, Hyungwon knew. Their skin, grains within the sandcastle they had erected to live together, with no end and no beginning — it simply existed, way before the big bang, way before the before.

But pause.

Take a bite of the truth that unveiled that Hyungwon was the sand, but he was also the sea. Unappeased monster, creator of havoc within the center of humanity’s wishes to expand their horizons. How to fight against yourself without ending up dead? You run, and run, and run. Even with his feet steady and inert against the ground, Hyungwon was still on the run from himself.

“Hey, Hyungwon-ah!”

His blood ran cold at Hoseok’s use of casual speech, but tried his best to hold tight against the tidal wave of memories that came with it; the older man was a good pretender, after all, as they all needed to be in that career.

With a smile plastered on his face, Hyungwon strolled in his direction.

He could tell easily when Hoseok was the model Hoseok, feigning warmth and friendship with him for the sake of a contract, and when he was Shin Hoseok, the ex-boyfriend who hated his guts.

Model Hoseok.

“We need to change outfits quickly.” The older male told him with a sheepish smile, standing beside a staff member from the magazine.

“Same place.” The woman instructed without sparing them a glance, fumbling through a box of camera equipment. “Your clothes are tagged.”

“Thank you, noona.” Hoseok quickly replied, leading the way. On his face now was displayed the same insincere grin that Hyungwon offered him before. “Let’s go.”

A short walk to the luxurious and giant bathroom inside that hotel room was made in silence, because, like a summer day can be smothered by heavy clouds, Hoseok’s mood changed with the scenario.

“Get your stuff.” His ex said, throwing a hanger enveloped in a black plastic at him. “Let’s get this done as fast as possible.”

Shin Hoseok. There he was.

“Hyung, I—”

“No.” Hoseok sputtered in a heartbeat, walking further into the bathroom to place his hanger over the wide sink. There was so much rage in his eyes… Nothing that suited him. “I’m not your hyung, and you’re not my dongsaeng. We are _work_ colleagues.”

“Hoseok…” Hyungwon continued, watching the older take off his clothes. “How… are you?”

“Wonderful.” He bitterly responded, with a chuckle. “It’s my first gig this week and I already have to work with _you_. The universe _for_ _sure_ just hates me.”

“I… It just happened like… many things.”

“Like what?” Swiftly, he craned his head towards Hyungwon. “Like you leaving in the middle of the night two months ago without a single text or call? Uh? Uh?”

Anxiety rose up his chest while something heavy dropped to his stomach and Hyungwon had to look away to control his respiration, avoiding a possible spiral into a panic attack.

“That…” He began to speak, but was cut off by how badly his hands trembled while clutching the hanger. “I was afraid.”

“Apparently…” Hoseok brought forth with a slightly annoyed tone, already putting new grey trousers on. “Not afraid enough to travel to Rome with your friends, right? I saw the pictures. Thank you for letting me know I was the fucking idiot in this relationship all along.”

“You weren’t.” Something possessed the taller to blurt these words.

Hoseok pulled the last item of the outfit from the black plastic — a beige jacket — and slammed against the sink.

“Then what was I, Hyungwon?”

“The only man I ever loved.”

A reality pause, so subtle that anyone that wasn’t paying attention would miss it.

But not Hyungwon. As if the world moved in slow motion, he got to see the smooth way Hoseok turned his gaze to him; so much sorrow flowed through his eyes that it spread across his entire being, pouring out of his skin as if every centimeter of Hoseok told a story that Hyungwon wished he’d never had to read, for he was the main villain of that narrative.

For a while, it used to be a vibrant tale of two people who felt so connected that, when they met, one of them thought they had found the one they didn’t even know they were looking for — not his other half, for he wasn’t lacking anything, but a different kind of soulmate. Someone who was the embodiment of the feeling of safety, someone whom he felt he was meant to be with in that exact time, in that exact world.

That was what Hoseok used to say.

Hyungwon’s side of that story was a mix of terror and desire that troubled him the most in the last days they spent together. The younger man had never fallen in love before, nor even thought it was possible for him to find such thing. Never a priority, not in the light of his need to survive, to secure a spot under the flashing lights of the modeling world just so he could say that he wasn’t a waste of space for the rest of humanity.

But that was the person he was before meeting Hoseok in a crappy after party for models and a bunch people in their work field. Before the trance he got in while fixating his gaze on the shorter male and walking straight in his direction, as if the gravitational field around Hoseok was born to pull him closer, and closer, and closer…

And Hyungwon was happy, tasting a new flavor of glee he didn’t even know it existed. For the entire seven months they were together, the days were made of satin sheets and sunbeams basking their naked bodies even when the skies were grey — maybe Hoseok was the sun, Hyungwon thought later, when the younger escaped to the iciness of the shadows. Too good for him, he also concluded.

“Fuck you, Hyungwon.” As expected, Hoseok didn’t take that well. But his eyes watered, forcing the man to look up to keep them from falling.

“If I know what love is… it’s because I met you.” His own tears threatened to fall, but Hyungwon didn’t want to ruin his makeup for the rest of the photoshoot. “I’m sorry. I know you… you can’t, uh… I don’t expect forgiveness. I just don’t want you to think it was because of you that I left like that. It wasn’t.”

“I blamed myself in the beginning.” Hoseok sighed deeply, and all Hyungwon wanted to do was run his fingers through his hair. “But not now. It’s on you, only you.”

“I was afraid…”

“Of WHAT, Hyungwon?” The older harshly put on his beige and white jacket, placing his hands over the sink’s edge.

“Everybody in my…” He took a deep breath, feeling his insides twisting and pulling with anxiety and dread. “People always abandoned me. My parents ditched me in an orphanage before I could ever meet them, friends left me behind when I came out as gay, every fucking one… they always leave. So what’s the point?”

Hoseok’s mien turned into a somber mixture of anger and curiosity.

“I learned to leave first.” Hyungwon told him, swallowing the sobbing that threatened to get out. “You… you gave me so much more than I thought I could ever have. Suddenly, I got terrified of how we could end up or that you… I was so afraid that you could wake up one day and realize that I wasn’t worth the trouble. I panicked, and it felt like I was going to die and I… left. But…” A chuckle came out of his mouth as his sniffled. “That’s not important to you anymore and… I just wanted to say I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve to be left in the dark like that. Hyung… I really hope you find someone that isn’t broken like me. I hope…” He feigned a smile, even though he wanted to cry. “I hope you can be happy again. Thank you. For everything.”

Without a second of hesitation, Hyungwon closed the door behind him after making his way out of the bathroom, in a double journey of finding somewhere else to change outfits and keeping the tears from falling down.

It wasn’t like he had the right to cry, anyway.

After dragging the shoot down a little bit, Hyungwon showed up in living room fully dressed up with the new attire, trying to not make eye contact with Hoseok.

Quite difficult, though, when the older’s position was right by his side, opposite to him on the couch’s arm, and Hyungwon had to gaze at Hoseok for a while, as solicited by the photographer.

“Good!” Someone shouted, probably the photographer himself, but Hyungwon couldn’t be bothered by anything when Hoseok stared at him as if he could see every bit of his soul. “Hoseok-ssi, now look away from him.”

A sigh instantly escaped Hyungwon’s mouth. His relief was momentary, though, for Hoseok kept staring at him as if he was trying to find the answer for a riddle, a life or death challenge.

“Hoseok-ssi!”

The man finally snapped out of it and was fast in apologizing, doing as he was told to.

Another outfit change was necessary and Hyungwon scurried to the small closet he found by the end of the corridor. Their clothes were almost the same, he noted once he came back to the set wearing a blue sweater and white shorts, now ordered to lie down in bed with his ex.

Awkward is an understatement here.

But somehow, as the minutes passed, Hyungwon felt less and less uncomfortable in Hoseok’s presence, as if the man didn’t radiate that massive heated energy every time he was around him.

Or perhaps it was just Hyungwon feeling less guilty, after finally explaining himself, even though he didn’t expect anything to change between them. Hoseok touched his life like a rainbow coloring a gloomy horizon, and deep down Hyungwon always knew that he would never be able to show enough gratefulness.

After hours into that shoot, the final clothe change was arranged for them to wear blue suits; Hyungwon’s was of a navy tone, accompanied by a light blue turtleneck whereas Hoseok’s was a teal blue one paired with a black V neck.

“Okay, okay!” The staff member, the one they had talked before about changing clothes, waved at them for their attention. “Mr. Choi says he’s done. You two may change into your regular clothes.”

As expected, Hoseok was the first to sprint from the bed and out of the main room, only to be seen by Hyungwon again in the hallway, after the latter changed into his coal black jeans, turtleneck and trench coat.

Hoseok talked on the phone while pacing back and forth a few meters away from him. Not wanting to interrupt anything, Hyungwon stole a last glance at the blond man before walking away.

His pace was slow. Although there was nothing he could do to change the past, Hyungwon felt a part of the weight on his shoulders being lifted off after telling Hoseok how he felt, and everything that happened. The damage couldn’t be undone, but at least the man he loved could find some peace somewhere else… with someone else.

Ah, love. Humanity’s biggest strength and weakness, all at once. A paradox, just like living in this world frequently is.

While he waited for the elevator to arrive, a hotel staff came out of the second elevator beside the one he was waiting for; the man seemed in such rush that he passed by Hyungwon without even acknowledging his presence, but the dark-haired model didn’t mind.

His thoughts were diving through the leftovers of the good moments of his relationship with Hoseok. The interconnectedness of having the older melting under his touch, the lazy morning kisses that lasted more eons that he could ever count, the giggles in the shared showers when Hoseok tried to escape from the kisses that Hyungwon poured over his face… All of it seemed so distant from his current reality that got him thinking if he hadn’t invented it all.

The booming ring from the elevator doors opening in front of him snapped the model out of his reveries and he took one last deep sigh before stepping inside — no looking back, he warned himself. That wasn’t of his concern anymore.

Or so he thought, because when the doors were about to close, a hand got in its way.

Hyungwon’s eyes went wide at how fast Hoseok entered and hauled him out of the elevator by the wrist.

“I…”

“Don’t talk.” Hoseok told him, still dragging him down the hallway.

It wasn’t like Hyungwon could utter anything at the moment anyway; his head was overwhelmed by a whirlwind of thoughts trying to make sense with each other, but nothing seemed to stand out as the logic answer.

Instead of trying to decipher the possibility of that situation, Hyungwon chose to appreciate the moments where he could feel, one more time, Hoseok’s soft touch warming up his skin.

Short-lived, if you ask him. When Hyungwon tried to flash a smile at such closeness, Wonho rounded the corner and slid the keycard on the door of a more private bedroom. Although still confused, the taller model followed him inside, anyway. He always would.

Fortunately, Hoseok began to talk as soon as he closed the door behind him, while the younger man stood next to the window in front of the bed.

“Was that all?” He questioned, and Hyungwon instantly frowned.

“All?”

“Why you left.” His gaze darted away to the floor, but his speech was resolute. “Was that all? Or there’s some other reason…”

“No, no.” Hyungwon shook his head, crossing his arms over his chest. “That was all. What I told you. Why?”

Hoseok took small steps in his direction.

“I am the one who should ask that. _Why_ , Hyungwon? _Why_ didn’t you tell me that you were afraid? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I couldn’t.” He replied, feeling his heart thumping so loudly that he could hear it in his ears. “I… I was so afraid that it was paralyzing. I was so afraid that I thought that telling you would just speed up the process of you leaving me. Just the idea of it made me want to die. But instead, I broke your heart…”

“You did.” Hoseok nodded, trying to hide the fact that his eyes began to water. “You shouldn’t have left. Did I even crossed your mind while you were out having fun with your friends in Rome?”

“You never left.” He choked back a sob, eyes darting to the ocean outside the hotel window. “I was just… running away. There is no fun in running away from the person you wanted to be with.”

“You make no goddamn sense.” Hoseok’s voice got a bit higher. He reached out to grab his chin, turning Hyungwon’s face to stare at him. “And I make no goddamn sense either.”

Not in his wildest fantasies Hyungwon dared to imagine that he’d be able to taste Hoseok’s lips again, but the older man gave him no choice as he pulled the taller by the waist into the roughest kiss they had ever shared; the younger model sucked air in too fast and almost choked, unaware of what to do with himself while Hoseok pushed him against the wall, pressing his lips against Hyungwon’s with such despair that Hyungwon thought he’d pass out.

Instead, when Hoseok pulled away, but Hyungwon leaned forward even more, chest colliding against the older man’s chest as the latter wrapped his arms around Hyungwon’s waist.

“Fuck…” He whispered, leaning his forehead against Hoseok’s.

“You should have told me.” The man said, and Hyungwon could feel his breath hot against his face. “I would have made the fear go away. I would have said that I would never leave you.”

“I’m sorry, hyung.” This time, he didn’t fight against the tears rolling down his face. “I was so ashamed to face you… I don’t deserve you.”

“Shh…” Hoseok murmured, swaying their bodies together. “Do you love me?”

“Yes. Yes, yes.”

“Good.” He blew air through his nose while chuckling, hands moving up and down the younger’s waist. “Because I love you more than anything, dumbass. God, how—why would I ever—Jesus, didn’t I show you how much I’m crazy about you? I am crazy about you, Hyungwon. I didn’t know… I would have done something…”

“I know.” A few tears fell down his cheek while he shook his head. “It was just my… instinct. To bottle things up. To ruin good things before someone could…”

“Hyungwon.” Hoseok said, pulling away a little bit so he could hold the younger’s face. “Look at me. I love you, and I don’t see that changing for a long time. Or maybe never, who knows. Why can’t you trust me?”

“I…” Closing his eyes for a second, Hyungwon shook his head to shoo away his overthinking. “I wanted to… I want to… It’s just… hard.”

“Don’t leave.” The older’s words felt like desperate prayer, even though Hyungwon was sure that Hoseok was undeniable holy. “If you love me, don’t ever leave me again.”

“Okay.” Hyungwon nodded, rubbing his face with both hands to wipe off the tears and his runny nose. “Do you really still want me? After I hurt you… so much?”

“It is always a risk when you’re in love.” A tiny smile appeared on his face. “If what you said it’s what made you leave… Hyungwonnie, we can work this out together. You’re worthy of all my efforts to convince you that you’re loved.”

Unconsciously, Hyungwon moved his arms upwards to wrap them around Hoseok’s neck.

“I want to make you feel loved, too.”

A fleeting chuckle from the older.

“Then it’s a deal.”

“Deal.”

Time passed fast from over the sheets of the hotel bed, where Hyungwon and Hoseok lied on their sides, with their arms around each other’s waists; the only thing that could be grasped as an intruder into their little bubble of love was Hyungwon’s stomach growling so loud it made Hoseok burst into laughter.

“Hungry baby.” The blond man muttered, pressing a kiss against his nose. “Let’s have lunch.”

The taller model scrunched up his whole face, but flashed a smile at him.

“I don’t wanna move from this bed, like… ever.”

“Well, we kinda have to leave tomorrow.” Hoseok commented, drawing random circles on his back. “I paid just for a day.”

“Did you already had a room booked here?”

“No.” Another kiss on Hyungwon’s nose. “I booked it after we had that chat in the bathroom. I wanted to talk to you properly… about things.”

“The things we discussed?” The younger model shifted a bit in his position, even closer to the older man.

“Among other stuff.”     

“Like what?”

Hoseok seemed a bit apprehensive.

“What did you… uh… do… in Rome? I saw pictures of you… in a pub…”

“Oh.” A dry chortle. “I was probably very hammered. All the time. I went to that place almost every night to drink my sorrows away.”

“Baby…” Hoseok wrapped both arms around his waist, forcing the younger to pull his arms up and settle them around Hoseok’s neck. “You’re home, now.”

“But bet you were mad when you discovered the photoshoot for the magazine was with me.”

“Sort of.” He snorted, and Hyungwon loved how he could feel Hoseok’s body jiggling as he laughed. “But above everything, I wanted to see you. Even though I hated that I wanted to see you. I’m glad I didn’t give up on this job.”

“I’m glad you didn’t give up on me.” Hyungwon made sure that he knew, flashing a shy smile at the man he loved.

“Oh God, you’re so cute.” Another laugh as he snuggled into Hyungwon’s neck. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, my love.” Hyungwon whispered as he pressed a kiss on Hoseok’s forehead. “Are you sure you want to give us a second chance? I’m still… you know, there will be days…”

“Bad days, good days, gloomy days, sunny days… I’ll be by your side. Let me be by your side, baby. I won’t leave.”

“Thank you. Me neither.”

What else had to be said about two people who loved each other? Maybe a happily ever after, maybe not. But in that moment, what mattered was that they were together again, for the world always seemed a little less grey in seconds between the minutes in which they shared another kiss, announcing to that world that even death was only a comma in the narrative of their story — of their love, undying.

“I will follow till the ends of the earth if you leave me again.” Hoseok avowed, humming against his skin.

“Sappy.” The younger chuckled.

At that, the blond pulled his head back to curse at him.

“Bastard.”

Yet, all Hyungwon could was laugh so hard that his eyes completely shut down, making no move to escape the light way Hoseok slapped his arm.

Instead of retaliating, he dragged himself on top of the older, pushing Hoseok’s bangs off of his face to make sure the man could see him as he made his most earnest promise.

“But I’m yours, forever.”

**Author's Note:**

> press f to pay respect to this mess
> 
> you can find me on twitter at [@chwkdy](https://twitter.com/chwkdy/) yeehaw


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